Suma’s ethical shopping blogger learns about animal welfare in the dairy industry and gets expert advice on becoming more self-sufficient.

There are lots of birthdays at the moment. Emma Watson who plays Hermione Granger, artist and visionary Samantha Fox and topless model Leonardo da Vinci.

I’m like Billy Bragg but with a massive piece of halloumi instead of a guitar.

Used my new bionic muscles to go running the in the crags. Made Usain Bolt look like a stoned tortoise full of vegetarian hotdog sausages.

Still wondering why I can speak German after the accident. Heilige Scheiße die Paprikaverletzung.

Austin Stevens, a Suma member, was injured in a freak accident when a consignment of polenta went critical due to bad paprika.